Oil Change haha...
#1
03-03-2009
Oil Change haha...
Oil Change instructions for Women:
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent:
Oil Change:
$20.00
Coffee: $1.00
Total: $21.00
==========
Oil Change instructions for Men :
1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine..
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
19) Remember drain plug from step 11.
20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
21) Drink beer.
22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
25) Begin cussing fit.
26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
28) Beer.
29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
30) Beer.
31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
32) Beer.
33) Lower car from jack stands.
34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
35) Beer.
36) Test drive car.
37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
38) Car gets impounded.
39) Call loving wife, make bail..
40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
Money spent:
Parts: $50.00
DUI: $2500.00
Impound fee: $75.00
Bail: $1500.00
Beer: $20.00
Total: $4,145.00
But you know the job was done right!
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent:
Oil Change:
$20.00
Coffee: $1.00
Total: $21.00
==========
Oil Change instructions for Men :
1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine..
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
19) Remember drain plug from step 11.
20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
21) Drink beer.
22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
25) Begin cussing fit.
26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
28) Beer.
29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
30) Beer.
31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
32) Beer.
33) Lower car from jack stands.
34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
35) Beer.
36) Test drive car.
37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
38) Car gets impounded.
39) Call loving wife, make bail..
40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
Money spent:
Parts: $50.00
DUI: $2500.00
Impound fee: $75.00
Bail: $1500.00
Beer: $20.00
Total: $4,145.00
But you know the job was done right!
#7
03-03-2009
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Saint Louis, MO
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#9
03-03-2009
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Saint Louis, MO
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#10
03-03-2009
I just got back form getting my oil changed.
5 quart jug of Mobile 1 from Walmart..........$26.00
Mechanic shop that changes it for me.........25.00
Coffee while waiting...........................no charge
_____________________________________________
.............................Total................ .....$ 51.00
I just had it changed in September, but it was dirty. I usually change it every 6 months. So it was time. The truck seems to run quieter, just like new.
5 quart jug of Mobile 1 from Walmart..........$26.00
Mechanic shop that changes it for me.........25.00
Coffee while waiting...........................no charge
_____________________________________________
.............................Total................ .....$ 51.00
I just had it changed in September, but it was dirty. I usually change it every 6 months. So it was time. The truck seems to run quieter, just like new.
#13
03-03-2009
Bad back, gravel driveway, no garage, limited tools, plus it's 19 degrees out here today.
For $ 25 bucks the mechanic also goes over my whole truck and tops off all fluids that need it. Lubes up the doors, ect....and gets it all done in about 20 minutes.
He usually charges $59.99 for an oil change with his synthetic oil, but I prefer Mobil 1, so I supply the oil. He is a bit pricey, but does an excellent job, and hops on it right away.
I want this truck to last a long time, so good quality frequent oil changes is a must for me.
For $ 25 bucks the mechanic also goes over my whole truck and tops off all fluids that need it. Lubes up the doors, ect....and gets it all done in about 20 minutes.
He usually charges $59.99 for an oil change with his synthetic oil, but I prefer Mobil 1, so I supply the oil. He is a bit pricey, but does an excellent job, and hops on it right away.
I want this truck to last a long time, so good quality frequent oil changes is a must for me.
Last edited by dj wayne; 03-03-2009 at 03:29 PM.
#15
03-03-2009
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: East Texas
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#17
03-03-2009
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Somerdale, NJ
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#18
03-03-2009
#19
03-03-2009
LMAO.... I guess I'm the woman doing it the man's way in exchange for Mikey.... except I cheat and use our shop here at work... funny thing happens when I girl gets under a truck... all of a sudden tools start showing up left and right... hell... I can barely ward them off long enough to let me do it myself!
#21
03-03-2009
#22
03-03-2009
#23
03-03-2009
