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Old 12-16-2009
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Teachers and cops

Teachers & Cops
These are actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers in the New York City public school system. All teachers were reprimanded (but, boy, are these funny!)

1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

2. I would not allow this student to breed.

3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.

4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

6. The student has a 'full six-pack' but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.

7. This child has been working with glue too much..

8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.

9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.

10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.

11.. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others.

12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.

These are actual comments made by 16 Police Officers.
The comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country:

16 'You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through.'

15 'Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while.'

14 'If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document.'

13 'If you run, you'll only go to jail tired.'

12 'Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you.'

11 'You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?'

10 'Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?'

9 'Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket. '

8 'The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?'

7 'Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop.'

6 'Yeah, we have a quota... Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.'

5 'In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.'

4 'How big were those 'two beers' you say you had?'

3 'No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can.'

2 'I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail.'

AND THE WINNER IS....

1 'You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here.'
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Old 12-16-2009
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LMFAO!!!
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  #3  
Old 12-16-2009
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haha

that last one was nice
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Old 12-16-2009
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GENIUS! and people get in trouble for saying **** thats absolutely true. And since when do we need customer service when people break the law?
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Old 12-16-2009
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
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Old 12-16-2009
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Hahaha this is awesome
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Old 12-16-2009
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Quote:
8 'The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?'
we use this at work a lot. its funny how hard some people think about it...then they leave in an ambulance
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Old 12-16-2009
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hahaha thats amazing!
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Old 12-16-2009
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HAHA that's freakin awesome. I really like the cop #6.
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Old 12-17-2009
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lol nice.
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  #11  
Old 12-17-2009
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LOL that was hilarious im sittin in class readin that and just started laughin my *** off, thats funny
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  #12  
Old 12-17-2009
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 87xlt View Post
9 'Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket. '


Haha, luv it
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Old 12-17-2009
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haha im at work and people are walking by and im just laughing, i keep getting weird looks :/ lol
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  #14  
Old 12-17-2009
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The last one really cracked me up!! Good find!
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Old 12-17-2009
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Simply genius.
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Old 12-17-2009
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wow lol those are great, what a post to wake up to
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Old 12-17-2009
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Quote:
7 'Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop.'
LOL
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Old 12-17-2009
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Haha cop #14 is the man.
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