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  #1  
Old 03-03-2009
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Oil Change haha...

Oil Change instructions for Women:

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.



2) Drink a cup of coffee.



3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.



Money spent:

Oil Change:

$20.00
Coffee: $1.00
Total: $21.00
==========







Oil Change instructions for Men :



1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.





2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.





3) Open a beer and drink it.





4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.



5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.





6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.



7) Place drain pan under engine..





8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.





9) Give up and use crescent wrench.



10) Unscrew drain plug.





11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.





12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.





13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.





14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.





15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.





16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.





17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.





18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.





19) Remember drain plug from step 11.





20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.





21) Drink beer.





22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.



23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.





24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.





25) Begin cussing fit.





26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.





27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.





28) Beer.





29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.





30) Beer.





31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.





32) Beer.





33) Lower car from jack stands.



34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.





35) Beer.





36) Test drive car.





37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.





38) Car gets impounded.



39) Call loving wife, make bail..





40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.





Money spent:
Parts: $50.00
DUI: $2500.00
Impound fee: $75.00
Bail: $1500.00
Beer: $20.00
Total: $4,145.00
But you know the job was done right!
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  #2  
Old 03-03-2009
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yeah, pretty much. That's why I do it the women's way now.
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Old 03-03-2009
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HELL YEAH!!! lol
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  #4  
Old 03-03-2009
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So true lol
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  #5  
Old 03-03-2009
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hahaha thats freaking hilarious ....yeah i cant spell wahtever its all good hahahaha
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  #6  
Old 03-03-2009
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Funny but not true in my case.

My tool drawer is organized and I can have the oil changed in 15 minutes tops.
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  #7  
Old 03-03-2009
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That is pretty good. I would never take my truck somewhere to get the oil changed. Mostly because its unbelievably easy to change it on my truck, and secondly there are a lot (emphasizing the A LOT) of morons at places like that.
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Old 03-03-2009
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Brian View Post
That is pretty good. I would never take my truck somewhere to get the oil changed. Mostly because its unbelievably easy to change it on my truck, and secondly there are a lot (emphasizing the A LOT) of morons at places like that.
Agreed, it still only takes me 20 min to do mine. Not having to jack the truck up FTW
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  #9  
Old 03-03-2009
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1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.

first of all what kind of oil are you buying? 50 bucks yikes
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  #10  
Old 03-03-2009
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I just got back form getting my oil changed.

5 quart jug of Mobile 1 from Walmart..........$26.00

Mechanic shop that changes it for me.........25.00

Coffee while waiting...........................no charge
_____________________________________________
.............................Total................ .....$ 51.00



I just had it changed in September, but it was dirty. I usually change it every 6 months. So it was time. The truck seems to run quieter, just like new.
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  #11  
Old 03-03-2009
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If you cant change your own oil you are ****ing retarded or lazy
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  #12  
Old 03-03-2009
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lmfao

this just made my sick day better

thanks

shane
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  #13  
Old 03-03-2009
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ranger View Post
If you cant change your own oil you are ****ing retarded or lazy
Bad back, gravel driveway, no garage, limited tools, plus it's 19 degrees out here today.

For $ 25 bucks the mechanic also goes over my whole truck and tops off all fluids that need it. Lubes up the doors, ect....and gets it all done in about 20 minutes.

He usually charges $59.99 for an oil change with his synthetic oil, but I prefer Mobil 1, so I supply the oil. He is a bit pricey, but does an excellent job, and hops on it right away.

I want this truck to last a long time, so good quality frequent oil changes is a must for me.

Last edited by dj wayne; 03-03-2009 at 04:29 PM.
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  #14  
Old 03-03-2009
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I'm lazy. I pay $34 for a complete oil/filter change, and 20 point inspection. Plus I do so many miles that I am changing my oil usually every 3-5 weeks.
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  #15  
Old 03-03-2009
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I worked for a local lube in high school and I will NEVER take anything of mine there. The way they made us cut corners and rip off customers was unreal.
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  #16  
Old 03-03-2009
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Awesome.
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  #17  
Old 03-03-2009
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Great one! Described everything the last time I changed the oil on my moms ford taurus. Windy day and oil change, why even bother having a catch pan.
Driveway looks like the shower scene from psycho.
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  #18  
Old 03-03-2009
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Step 1: Drop truck off at Ford.

Step 2: Wait hour.

Step 3: Write check for $41

Step 4: ???

Step 5: Profit.
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  #19  
Old 03-03-2009
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LMAO.... I guess I'm the woman doing it the man's way in exchange for Mikey.... except I cheat and use our shop here at work... funny thing happens when I girl gets under a truck... all of a sudden tools start showing up left and right... hell... I can barely ward them off long enough to let me do it myself!
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  #20  
Old 03-03-2009
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LOL. Last time I tried undoing my drain plug I lowered the front of my truck 2 inches. Cant figure out what I did wrong.
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  #21  
Old 03-03-2009
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Close, but the Jiffy lubes around here charge $40 instead of $20, and they smear blue snot on the filter and drain plug, and they use a crappy ProMotive filter, and what-ever-they-want-to-use bulk oil, and usually leave all the fluids well below "full" when they top all the fluids off.
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  #22  
Old 03-03-2009
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Grease Monkey forgot to tighten the plug on my dad's Super Duty... they almost had the pleasure of purchasing a new Diesel Engine... luckily he caught it early...
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  #23  
Old 03-03-2009
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crazymikey View Post
LOL. Last time I tried undoing my drain plug I lowered the front of my truck 2 inches. Cant figure out what I did wrong.
LMAO!!! ya that happened to me too, only one side of my truck was 2 inches lower, and no oil came out!! LOL!
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  #24  
Old 03-03-2009
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^^ lmfao wow that would have sucked!
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  #25  
Old 03-03-2009
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mine doesn't take more than 15-20 min and no more than 25 bucks i just have it down to a science i guess
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